=)

Got to go

2011-11-12T08:01:00.000-08:00

Assalamualaikum :)

I've been tuning to Najwa's Got To Go and Adele's Set Fire To The Rain the whole day today to the point that I've lost count on how many times I hit the button repeat. hihi. Suddenly, out of no where I hit into Rahmad's Bayangan Guraun! Bukak AIM, jap gi Rahmad nyanyi!! Ya Allah. Apakah? haha

On another note, I was asked by our ObGyn lecturer, Prof Mini, to write a 2000 words worth of simple-textbook-like article on Epilepsy in Pregnancy as a contributory author to Prof X's simplified textbook. Dateline - 15th December 2011. To date - Nothing has been done yet! aaaaaa! I have like a month or so to start reading, researching and going to the ObGyn ward and labour room! Ortho is starting next week and our Mid-Term exam is in another 2 more months! ...So there you go, I have a lot of work in between yet I am here sleeping my way through. Haih~

Lets see. In a more appropriate manner, to scare me off even more, these are the events that are going to get me into a Hypertensive state:

Orthopaedics - This coming Monday. Hence, more new stuff to read, handwritten Case-Write Ups (I hate handwritten CWU!), seminars, bedside presentations. Oh and yes, early morning ward rounds (730am to be exact)
15th Dec - Submission of article on Epilepsy in Pregnancy (that is if I have nothing more to change)
January - Orthopaedics clinical exam which includes a short case and an OSCE. Mid-Term exam as well which includes written exams for Psychiatry, Ophthalmology, ENT, Forensic Medicine, Public Health, Emergency Medicine and of course, Orthopaedics. Argh! bila nak start baca semua niiiiii :(

Ok, dah malas nak tambah. Sekarang pun dah pening. hehe. Ok la, I rest my case. I should go start reading for my article. Or should I read for Ortho? Ok last-last confirm tak baca apa-apa sebab tatau nak start dengan apa. Sooooo typical of me! =p

Yours truly,
The Drama Queen ;p

It's time...

2011-11-07T14:45:00.000-08:00

It's time to set the bird free. I've tried and became tired. That is when I know, I should let you free. I became tired.

Alhamdulillah. Like they always say, It's always the darkness that you focus on when there's actually a light shining through the back. I've been having more new friends lately. Pretty much preocupied with things. Allah will always help you in so many different ways.

Oh, well. It's time to shine! :D So. who wants to play badminton with me now? urghhh missed 2 sessions of badminton dah! grrrrr >=|

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I have the most amazing parents in the whole entire world and you have no idea. But, it is sooooo frustrating that I don't get to follow my parents and brother to Hong Kong and China in November and Dubai in December! Sebab tak cuti :( huuuu

Hehe

2011-10-31T09:48:00.000-07:00

Assalam :)

I came up with a conclusion that medical related people (in Malaysia especially the Malay ;p) ties the knot early. Be it the doctors, Medical Assistants, Nurses and whatnot. Suka Dr ni, Dr ni dah kawin. Suka MA ni, MA ni dah kawin. Depressing betul.ahahah. We would get so "heartbroken" knowing the truth. aha

Funny what we do to get all of these informations :p

Depressing post for nothing :p

2011-10-26T17:00:00.000-07:00

If you can't share your sorrows with him/her, you know he/she's not yours....

xxx

Had fun shopping today! I must say I did a great job of not over spending today. Bravo me! :D Oh and yes, my wardrobe is clean and empty which is very depressing. Gotten rid 1/2 nearly 3/4 of my clothes which is honestly, soooo depressing. Finally, had my dresses given away. huuu :( kept my prom dresses though! my SMSJ Prom dress aka the dress i wore as to being crowned as my high school's Prom Queen =p Gosh! nostalgic nya. I miss high school, I miss being fun and hip :( And I also kept the dress I wore to SMSU's aka Cho's Prom Night. Really like that piece (though I bearly fit into it anymore :PPP). The rest of the dresses i wore for other Proms dah let go.

Ok seriously rasa otak tak berkembang. I'm getting lazier by the day. I love having to compete when I was in high school (in a good way that is) because the chinese especially are veryyyyy hard working that you don't wanna even loose a pace. Now, I am that slow and lazy and kookoo. sedihnya :( ok depressing nya post ni, I miss high school! I feel so un-me at times being in this faculty.

Glad Aisyi called that day. wish I could visit her in London. Soon, I hope. Ok dah, these hormones are making me frustrated :P

I wish nothing but the best for you too

2011-10-20T17:30:00.000-07:00

Is somehow giving up bit by bit from day to day. Tried so much to make things better but I end up eating myself inside. For that, I shall let it go bit by bit. Soon enough, I hope everything will be gone.......

On another note, Emergency Posting is a whole lot of fun! Glad enough that my time is pretty much occupied with the posting that I get to enjoy my working life rather than concentrating on my personal life. Alhamdulillah, glad to be drifted away from that :)

PHPM to A&E

2011-10-09T06:36:00.000-07:00

Assalamualaikum :)

My fingers are itching to type something in this very blog but my brain can't really come up with something to blab about. hihi. Well, currently to date, I've just finised with Public Health & Preventive Medicine Posting. To my surprise, I enjoyed PHPM very much and even have the thoughts of pursuing Public Health for my medical speciality. Dr Aqil Mohammad Daher, Prof Nor Aini and Dr Ikhsan had made it especially fun and relaxing for us, which contributes much of my likings towards this posting :) Dr Aqil sangat best please! :D

I'll be starting with Accident & Emergency Posting tomorrow for a month. I'll be experiencing shift system for the first time tomorrow. 8am-5pm and 8pm-8am shifts. Oh yes, and that includes Saturday and Sunday! I am actually a bit nervous to start of A&E as we've been away from the clinical settings for quite awhile. Hope everything goes well. I guess dah kena start tebalkan telinga balik dengan suara-suara specialist yang akan marah-marah nanti. hehe. Good luck, me! :P

As i was once reminded...

2011-09-18T02:55:00.000-07:00

Assalam :)

Prof Nor Aini once said to us, "instead of being overwhelmingly frustrated and devastated over a lost or something sad, why don't we take it as a blessing from Allah knowing that all His tests are given because He loves us that much"...

Allah sayang sebab tu dia uji sikit. Sikit je ni, Farah. Nothing compared to what those people in Palestine are going through. Allah does not burden a soul more than he/she can bear. Like syida always say, "Smile a little smile". :))

Mainan hati. Setan gelak2 duk mainkan hati awak, Farah. Perasaan rindu tu kejap je, hilang la jap lagi tu. (macam duk ada auditory hallucinations plak. MDD with psychosis maybe? ahahah)

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On another note, can't wait for my friends to get married!!!!! Can't wait for myself to get married! (buat masa ni bole berangan dulu. ahahah)

When the sun don't shine.

2011-09-11T16:27:00.000-07:00

To be taken away something good is to be replaced with something better...

I feel...lonely. and...empty.

but Better is coming...and so, I shall wait.

I am going to sleep it through the night and sail it through the day.

Assalam :)

Year 4

2011-07-25T17:47:00.000-07:00

a year ago, I started off my clinical years with the most difficult posting. This year, my 4th year in med school, I'll be ending with the most difficult posting. A 360 degree turn.

Just finished with Psychiatry last week and I indeed loved it! last year, internal medicine got my attention most. Now, psychiatry is at the top most in my list! major in psychiatry? :)

Currently I am in Forensic Medicine. Will be going to the mortuary tomorrow in Sungai Buloh hospital to assist on an autopsy. Excited! :D but travelling to sungai buloh everyday is not so fun. hurm~

good night, loves :)

If and only if ...

2011-07-21T18:01:00.000-07:00

Depression. I hate this crappy lonely feeling. I somehow can predict what will happen soon ...

haih~ =(

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On another note, Cha is coming back from Aussie! Alhamdulillah. My time will be occupied nanti. weeeee! Rindunyaaaaaaa!!! :D

Detikkan hati.

2011-07-13T07:56:00.000-07:00

Assalamualaikum

Thank you, Amalina =,)

I am overwhelmed by the blessings from You, Ya Rabb. For You have given me the greatest gift of all things in the world which is the 'Hidayah' I have been longing for. For opening my heart to Iman and to the beautiful route of Islam.

I am beyond thankful for bringing me to friends that constantly would remind me of You, Ya Rabb. For opening my heart and eyes to see the so many wrong doings and dosa that I had done in the past and devastatingly, still am doing :'(

I seek for Your guidance, Ya Rabb. For i beg You to bring me, my beautiful parents, my very much loved siblings and my love ones closer to You and not drift us away even to the tiniest step. Only You, my Dear Allah, knows how difficult and challenging it is for me to even fight with my own 'evil' self, what more to the world. Kuatkan lah hati kecik kerdil ni, Ya Allah :(

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Sayunya hari ni. Can't seem to stop crying thinking of the past. Thinking of how Allah loves me that much even when my sins are just, sigh~..I really can't seem to stop tearing up.

Sheikh Fahd Al-Kanderi

2011-06-03T00:30:00.000-07:00

Assalamualaikum =)

First and for most, thank you Aunty Jee for the very lovely surprise. MasyaAllah. I was so touched that I cried. You're such a lovely person. May Allah always be by your side, may you have a great life here and later in the afterlife, insyaAllah. Aminnnnn =')

So proud of myself (?) for constantly updating my blog nowadays (read: very long break). After being so busy with the whole hospital settings, now I get to at least spend 3-4 months worth of free leisure time. Alhamdulillah. However, I do go to the chemical pathology lab to work on my research. Currently working on my thesis writing as well. Hope to get this done A.S.A.P. so that I can really really really enjoy the rest of my holiday break (read: what am I doing updating this blog then when I have better things to do?).

I finally get to do some other non-medically related research now. Alhamdulillah. At first, I was really bumped to know that we would be on leave for a very long time. However, if you try to instill this "free time" by doing something beneficial, insyaAllah, it wouldn't be such a waste anyway.

Honestly though, I MISS GOING TO THE WARDS. I MISS CLERKING PATIENTS. I MISS GOING TO WARD ROUNDS. I MISS HAVING THE FEEL OF ADRENALINE RUSH EVERY TIME THE DOCTOR SHOOTS US WITH CRAZY, MIND BLOWING QUESTIONS (Paling best Mr Adli la for not giving us the time to think as he wants everything to be fast and Dr Onny for asking questions that you would constantly have to question yourself again and again until you get somewhat frustrated for not being able to answer his question. aha I really like their classes!). I MISS MY LECTURERS (AHAHAH).

Please listen to this very beautiful recitation of Surah Al-fatihah by Sheikh Fahd Al-Kanderi. Try youtube-ing for him. MasyaAllah sedapnya suara dia. One of my favourites. SubahanaAllah Sheikh, you put me to tears. You are so blessed by Allah SWT =')

Selamat menyambut bulan Rejab, bulan Allah :)

When I start to blab

2011-05-30T06:21:00.000-07:00

Alhamdulillah, I have been at ease since, hurm. Not something that I would like to share because personally, I don't think it was something to argue but since you put it that way, I shall just let it be.

No one has the right to tell me what to do, be it selfish or childish. That is until i get married to whoever the not-so-lucky guy is. hihi =)

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For a start, I shall share with you guys (whoever reads this anyway? ^^), the "new me" ;)

Some of the many ways i wear my hijab. Honestly, if anyone were to ask me how do I wrap my hijabs, I wouldn't know what or how to answer as whatever my hands does on it, that will be the outcome hehe. I usually like loose wrap as it would give me some room under the chin area and so that I don't suffocate. Aha =p

The first few to see me with my hijab =)

My habibatis, my best-est friends who have supported me all the way. My study partners-in-crime, my shoulders to cry on. My ups and downs. My rakan seperjuangan yang super pandai (that makes me look awfully dumb among the three =S ). My sisters =,)

And of course, the greatest gift from God, Allah SWT. My beautiful parents, my backbone for support, my air to breathe. Masya' Allah. For the blessings, I will never be able to repay, my Dear Allah ='(

There you go. Some recent pictures of me. Some vain shots of me (abaikan la ye.hihi ^^). Why the change? What made me change? I will never be able to put it into a perfect sentence. Niat dah ada for a few years already. I have started wearing it to the mall sometimes when I was out with my family but SubahanaAllah, dugaan dia tak terhingga. Sampai ke sekecil-kecil perkara pun s.y.a.i.t.a.n. ni dapat robek iman kita, eg: "cantik ke aku pakai tudung ni? ishhh buruk, bukaklah!" @ "alamak tak cukup colour tudung lagi, tunggu la sampai cukup collection" @ "ok tahun 2010 kita pakai, confirm kene pakai"...alih-alih kelaut.

But since I've been listening to some talks, through readings and great advices from great people, Alhamdulillah, I am here now. I hope, I pray and I shall always pray, insyaAllah, to be given the strength to be consistent or even better in terms of Iman and Taqwa.

"Kita cakap kita Islam. Kita mengaku kita Islam. Kita marah bila orang herdik Islam. Tapi betul ke kita benar-benar Islam? Niat, lafaz dan perbuatan kita, cukup ke?."

"Perlu ke kita risau perihal cantik itu dari manusia sedangkan cantik di mata Allah tu lagi besar baik dan bagusnya? Yang mana kita nak? Bila kita tidak menutup aurat, ingkar perintah Allah dan manusia cakap "cantiknya dia, cool gila" atau bila kita menutup aurat dan ikut perintah Allah dan di mataNya "cantik dan cool"...mana yang kita nak? pandangan manusia atau pandangan Allah?"....

"Kalau sekali Allah dah bagi rezeki, detikkan niat dekat hati kita walaupun sikit, jangan la kita sesekali abaikan dan tak berusaha. Sebab sekali kita tolak dan abaikan niat tu, makin susah la Allah nak bagi lagi rezeki, restu dan rahmat Dia sampai ke satu tahap kita tak dapat rasa langsung nikmat dan kasih sayang Dia. Dari erti yang lagi simple, bila orang nak ajak kita makan. First time dia akan ajak dengan penuh semangat, "Jom A makan sekali?"..Bila dah ditolak pelawaan tu sekali, the next time mesti orang tu akan fikir "eh nak ke ajak A makan lagi? mesti dia tanak dah. tak payah ajak la"...."

"Apa-apa niat yang kita nak lakukan, jangan tangguh-tangguh. Kalau nak berubah, kenapa kena tunggu minggu depan? kenapa kena tunggu tahun depan? Kenapa bukan esok? Kenapa bukan hari ni? Kenapa bukan sekarang? Siapa yang menghasut kita untuk tanak berubah tu? yang menghasut tanak bagi kita berubah tu lagi kuat dari kita ke? "..Nauzubillah Min Zalik.

"Stated in Surah Al-Baqarah, sebagai hambaNya, kita haruslah percaya adanya hari Qiamat tanpa sedikit ragu-ragu pun, walau sebesar zarah. Dan untuk mempercayai, kita kena beriman dan bertaqwa kepada Allah SWT bukan sahaja dari menerimanya dengan hati tapi juga dengan lafaz dan perbuatan. Dan jika kita ingkar benda-benda ni, itu bermakna kita tak percaya sepenuhnya ada Hari Qiamat, hari pembalasan tu. Bermaksud, tidaklah kita percaya dengan kuasa dan kebesaran Allah SWT"...Nauzubillah Min Zalik

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From my readings, advices from great muslimin and muslimat. Sharing with others not for one to say "bagusnya dia" but as this actually reminds me that I have a lot to work on myself as well. A LOT. Reminder to self as well =) Harap-harap diberi rezeki supaya dapat pasangan hidup yang dapat bimbing ke jalan Allah, insyaAllah =)

My happy week :)

2011-05-20T18:00:00.000-07:00

Assalamualaikum =) Alhamdulillah, syukur for another day to live =)

This week happens to be my happy week. Alhamdulillah =) During our last tazkirah at Adilah's house, our leader had asked us what is/are our resolutions, hopes and wishes during this long break. What do we want to achieve in this period of time. A few of my wishes (takde focus point langsung. tamak.ehe) were:

Yang mana tak tahu, kita cuba tahukan
Yang mana tak cukup faham, kita cuba fahamkan
Yang mana tak pakai lagi, kita cuba pakaikan
Yang mana tak diamalkan lagi, kita cuba amal-amalkan
Kalau di takdirkan fail mana-mana posting, mintak di tabahkan hati and berjuang seperti mana pejuang-pejuang hebat berjuang (masa tazkirah ni, result belum keluar lagi.hehe)
Cuti yang panjang ni, insyaAllah nak cuba attach kan diri to any hospitals/ doctors/ etc as a preparation for the future.
Kalau bole nak revise balik 3rd year punya syllabus, mantapkan mana yang tak mantap. Berhasrat nak cuba khatamkan lagi sekali Mcleod and Talley.

Those are the things that I had mentioned although of course, the list is actually longer but what is a target without any focus? Prof Tahir (my favourite chemistry lecturer during diploma, my mentor) once told me, "Farah, make a to-do list of what topic to study and from that list, try to focus one or two topics a day so that you will be more organized and so that the topics can be thoroughly understood". As from the last tazkirah up until today, Alhamdulillah some of it has been fulfilled. Of course, no 1, 2 and 4 tu is a lifelong commitment. So, tak layak la nak kata "dah berjaya" as Iman fluctuates now and then. However, I managed to start on it bit by bit.

As for no. 3, Alhamdulillah, so far so good. Terbuka pintu hati at last after 5 years of trying. Banyak sangat inspiration and kata-kata yang buat hati ni lagi nak ke arah tu. Tapi apa2 pun "La hawla wa la quwata illa bi Allah; There is no power or strength except through Allah". Without His merciful blessings, apa-apa pun takkan jadi. Thank you Allah, for choosing me =,) Nak tunggu my best friends Atim and Lala to menyusul as we had planned and talked this over hari tu. Can't wait! =)

No 5 pun Alhamdulillah was beyond my expectations. Surgery yang disangka fail sebab long case gone, theory pun gone, rupanya tak fail. Tak C pun plak tu. memang la orang marah2 dekat I sebab kononnya I ni "drama queen" when it comes to results. ahah whatever =ppp Peadiatrics lagi cannot gooooo! Rezeki tu kalau Allah nak bagi, dia memang akan bagi je kan. Besarnya kuasa Allah. My 2 As dah la dua2 posting hardcore. Usaha tak setimpal rezeki Allah. O&G disappointing sikit as I targeted an A for it tapi dapat B but still, Alhamdulillah =)

As for no 6 and 7, I have yet to get it done. It has only been a week since exam is over. I hope to get it done though knowing that I am very lazy and if the programme which popo had informed me earlier is still on, then lagi la kena study. Takkan nak ajar juniors clinical stuff tapi kita blur lagi! Tanak jadi senior yang tak berilmu! Oh and yes, me and 5 others had joined Mr Ramzi's OT session last Thursday on a Left Hernioplasty at UiTM Sungai Buloh OT! So proud of UiTM for having our own clinical practice centre. We were the first group of students to join the OT session. History tu =) Nak scrub in to assist plak next session! wooohooo!! :D

Mr Ramzi =)

Mr Ramzi with scrub team

As for next week, since I've passed my exam, I'll be going to the chemical pathology lab to work on my research on HbA1c then to my thesis. Hope everything will go accordingly, insyaAllah. Lastly, I am so proud to be in UiTM. and especially UiTM's Faculty of Medicne .Biarlah orang nak cakap apa-apa pasal UiTM pun but not only that I am able to learn academic things but I am also brought to the right path of Allah. That is why this saying is made, "Manusia hanya merancang, Allah akan tentukan segalanya." =)

*Dah terbiasa sangat cakap rojak. blog pun dah rojak gila.*

Alive and sound =)

2011-05-17T09:32:00.000-07:00

Assalamualaikum =)

It has been quite a while since I last posted anything on my blog. I thought pre-clinical years had made me occupied. Then i came into my 1st year of clinical years where my time was mostly spent on books (? I wish -___-"), ward work, clinics, tagging-s, ward rounds, bedside teachings, seminars, tutorials, case presentations, case write-ups, study groups, on-call sessions, OT sessions, elective proposal, running here and there to get the proposal done and etc. Fun I must say but it occupies most of our time. Then again, I am not the best medical student one should look up to as I constantly procrastinate every task that I was given. I wish to get rid of that attitude soon. As Mr Fadel (p/s: surgeons are called Mr/Mrs/Ms and not Dr :) ) had said "Malaysians are slow in their work, especially those of Malays". I have yet to prove him wrong, insyaAllah.

Can't believe that it has actually been a year since I started entering Clinical years. Alhamdulillah, although I started off really bad (culture shock here and there, cry-baby moment lagi.ehe), with God's will, I was able to adapt with this roller-coaster life of mine. Though, through out the journey, I was constantly whining on how much I regret taking medicine. I guess everyone in the profession goes through this dreadful phase. Then again, I enjoy what I do. I love meeting people, talking to people =) I managed to pass 3 postings. Alhamdulillah, to my very surprise, I actually got an A for General medicine posting. I was one of the two people that had actually gotten an A for medicine. Gila tak percaya. Syukur dekat Allah sebab tak putus2 limpah rezeki dekat hamba dia yang teramatlah banyak dosa ni. SubahanaAllah. However, I ended up getting a B for my Rural posting and a big fat C for Urban. Ahaha. I had neglected both postings as I recall my seniors telling me "Ru-Ban semua orang pass. Logic je". Perhaps my logic isn't that logical afterall. Bak kata Mr Andrean "Yang jawab macam tu maknanya IQ dia rendah sikit la". ahaha My first C after 3 years in medicine =p

Final exam....hurm~..... Surgery was such a bummer. I actually like Surgery. I enjoyed being posted in Surgery (plus the fact that all of our surgeons are young chaps! best sangat cuci mata everyday. aha). InsyaAllah Peadiatrics and Obs&Gynae ok. I think I did ok for all papers except for Surgery that was so disappointing. My written exam was caput. Couldn't answer both papers especially the last one. My diagnoses were just off the road. Mati la patient aku macam ni. Surgery's long-case was the worst of all exams with Prof G as the examiner (ketar lutut tak habis sampai sekarang), and I was "lucky" enough to get a case that I have never seen or clerked in the ward before. Trauma sangatnya dapat exam macam ni kalau final year nanti =( my most hateful moment was when Prof G had asked me ,

Prof G: So what is your provisional diagnosis?

Me: I am sorry Dr. Honestly, I have no clue to what this patient has. I am really sorry.

I spent an hour thinking of the differential diagnosis. Differentials banyak la. Provisional takde langsung! =((( I should stop thinking of the past. There's nothing I can do to reverse it. Tawakal and redha. Even if I have to repeat my posting, I have to redha. Allah baru tarik sikit dah menggelupur satu badan. Tu baru sikit. Haih~

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I actually have A LOT to tell but it seems difficult to get it all organized since my neurons are firing all of it at once. hehe. Interestingly, since I entered Surgery, I have been quite a successful stalker. I've been stalking all of my surgeons especially those of my interest night and day. Even in class! ;p Perhaps because they are all young chaps, roughly in their 30s that makes it much more interesting. Well, Prof Suneet, Prof Hafil and Prof G aren't that young though.ehehe.

I think I should stop now as this post has been so "rojak-ed". I shall continue tomorrow with a better, more organized post. InsyaAllah. Plus, I might just doze off my Subuh if tak tidur now. tanakkk! =((

ehe. Assalam =)

God's will

2011-01-12T08:27:00.000-08:00

Alhamdulillah, done with Obs & Gynae Posting. A combination of a lot of blessings from Allah, a good Doctor and a cooperative patient is definitely a good combo. Thank you Allah, for granting my prayers of getting a Post-Emergency Lower Segment Caesarean Section due to Placenta Previa Type IV for my long case examination (oh plus a Bitubal Ligation which wasn't part of my prayers but fair enough). Alhamdulillah. Tersengih satu hari lepas exam =p

I am not clingy but I am needy. For I live knowing that you will always be with me. Love you. Love you very much.

Lesson to be learned

2010-12-27T20:18:00.000-08:00

If an argument leads to only a unilateral fault, then you should just leave the argument as it is just not worth it because an argument always happen bilaterally.

And

Don't sacrifice who you are just because someone has a problem with it because usually, they're the problem.
(from aiman and i quoted)

011003

2010-12-26T16:34:00.000-08:00

Had a marathon of How I Met Your Mother. HILARIOUS! ahaha ;p

Haveeeeeee you met Ted?

ngehngehngeh ;p

p/s: I'm keeping my 80%. I really don't need that 20%. Lesson learned =)

The "80-20 Rule" Clip =)

Case Study =p

2010-11-12T02:47:00.000-08:00

Chief complain: sudden onset of profuse sweating and palpitation (ahaha)

Earlier today, I went to Subang Parade to get my tops altered. So, at around 6pm I asked ma and kina to accompany me but neither wanted to follow. I usually don't like to go out by myself especially to the malls at peak hours but since none of them wanted to follow, I had to just do it. Reached the mall, went straight to the shop and there was I with the tailor and some random guy. Well, a cute, tall, aged between 27-30+, english-spoken random malay guy. ahaha. Anyways, I am never good at entertaining strangers especially the guys cause i feel scared and worried and shy and everything else. Suddenly this guy said 'Hye' and I went.....blank. Bahahaha.

Guy: Hye
Me: (looked at him blankly..blur 5 saat) Oh Hye =p (started to sweat already)
Guy: Got something altered here?
Me: errr yea, my top. you? (and he actually had his jeans in his hand) (sweating even more)
Guy: aha, yes. pretty obvious kan?
Me: (maluuuuuuuuuuuuuu). right.ahahah (gelak cover,muka merah) (peluh dengan penuh banjirnya.ahahahah)
Guy: So, do you stay here?
Me: Yea, just around here. (and i was hoping so badly that the aunty could be a little faster in taking my top)
Guy: cool. I'm A btw. You are?
Me: erm Farah. (finally, got my top!)...oh got my top already, so bye! (jalan palinggggggggggggggggg laju dalam dunia)

ahaha ok that was seriously very funny cause if he did realise how i walked, he could actually differentiate my walk between walking and actually running. I was practically walking very fast almost as if I was running =p I thought I had escaped that situation until I heard him calling my name. I was having palpitation when I heard him calling me but luckily the lift was open. Fuhhhh~~~...

The guy seemed nice. Not those freaky, perverted kinda guy. I am just not good at meeting people. Sorry random guy. It's not you, it's just me. Happened quite a few times already and I never seem to know how to calm myself down. It's good though, at least my Bf does not have to worry so much about it! =p

Lonely crap

2010-10-27T06:02:00.000-07:00

It really does hurt to actually miss someone that is yours but unable to see, hold or talk to.

ok kerja memanggil.

Akanku Tunggu - Candy

2010-10-26T01:48:00.001-07:00

Akanku Tunggu by Candy is one of my all time favourite song. One of the very few Malay songs that I really like. It was on radio this afternoon while we were in the bus on our way back to Sungai Buloh from Selayang Hospital. Shafiq had to be a buffoon by snapping a photo of me sleeping in the bus and uploaded it on Fb! Kurang ajo. Aha =p

Anywayssss, back to the song ...(hee)

Hari beganti hari
Aku kan tetap menanti
Kukuh meneman diri
Cintamu tetap di hati

I sound ridiculous. I know, I know. What is up with me these couple of days? Should I blame it on the hormones? Should I blame it on PMS and MS? (as in Menstrual Syndrome). What is up with all the crying, loneliness, anger and the pressure? And these pimples? apa niiii! =S . I miss everything. I miss being free and happy. I miss my quality family time. I miss my girls. I miss fun time. I miss Y to the O to the U. I miss our good quality time. I miss seeing you everyday, talking to you everyday, laughing with you everyday..

Hold on, Farah. Everything will be alright, ok? He's there. Just not so reachable. hurm~ Hold on. Please put me to ease, Dear Allah.

Akan kutunggu
Detik tiba saat itu
Akan kutunggu
Janji naluri nan satu
Akan kutunggu... Kasih

I'll wait for you, Kasih =')

p/s: I MISS YOU ROXX GIRLS A LOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!! =( (texting you girls now!)

I pray ...

2010-10-16T03:25:00.000-07:00

It is not just about life on earth but also in the here after.

Accept my imperfections and changes even if it is through thousands of baby steps, then you'll be just perfect for me.

Guide me, don't let me guide you cause I lean on you.

Love you.

LOVIN' IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-09-18T03:47:00.000-07:00

This Robot Rock dance is the sickest thing ever. So, COOL!!! :D:D:D:D

Cant get enough of it, feel like watching it again and again! The dance, the songs, the hot awesome dancers! :D
I wish I could dance like that. It'd be so sick.ehe

Eid Mubarak

2010-09-08T11:17:00.000-07:00

To everyone,

Selamat Hari Raya

Maaf zahir dan batin (x10)

=)

Tua sikit.

2010-08-29T08:34:00.000-07:00

Does age really matters?

Nak kecik hati ke nak biarkan je? Macam kecik hati sikit.

Well, maybe.

At least, for a lecturer to say that out loud to the other students, I should ber-kecik hati.

Haih.

ARF

2010-08-20T09:04:00.001-07:00

Alhamdulillah, sangat puas hati with this evening's seminar. I think I presented well and Alhamdulillah, I was able to answer most of the questions asked by Dr Rohaya. Dr Rohaya seemed to be satisfied with it and I am very thankful to her for being very generous with the marks. Worth all the time (spent a week on it.fuh~), effort, throbbing headache, palpitation, SOB, crying (as i didn't save my slide show presentation when it was already 95% done. sabar je la. had to do it from scratch again after that.so imagine how badly did i cry.aha) and of course, lack of sleep.

Alhamdulillah :) Malam ni nak tidur sampai lebam.weeeeeee :D

Mcleod's

2010-08-19T20:14:00.000-07:00

Long-case examination for Medical posting - 2nd September 2010 at Selayang Hospital

I have to seriously and constantly remind myself that my bedside examination is just around the corner. Gulp.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Ok that is how terrified I am right now. I will be happy with a pass, a C but of course would love to at least get a B. I wouldn't complain though, better than failing. I don't want to be repeating a whole year just because of that. InsyaAllah. Can I just get Dr Nyi Nyi as my examiner? ;(

I skipped ward work this morning as I have to prepare for this afternoon's seminar regarding Acute Renal Failure. Now that I am done with it, I am happily wasting my time on the internet. isk. I was studying my bedside physical examination skills by watching Mcleod's CD but fell asleep after only 15 minutes watching it. Ya Allah. Imagine reading Mcleod's book now, I would fall asleep for even less than 5 minutes! And I have to sincerely say that I envy my housemates and other coursemates for being constantly hardworking and rajin, studying every night up til 1 to 2am in the morning, whereas I usually start studying (if not at all) at 1030pm and sleep at 12am. I hope Allah would bless me again this time. Bila nak sedar diri ni farah?

!(*&@*(&#*!&#*(

Is there anyone who would like to volunteer to be a patient so that I could examine you as a practice for my upcoming bedside examination? I need to practiceeeee! Jue, Nisa and I did practice last night but we couldn't do a thorough examination on each other since we are all, well, ladies with two "bumps" right on our chest. hee ;p Oh and I had to stuff in a teddy bear under my clothes because Jue needed a pregnant lady as her patient as she is currently in the Obs&Gynae posting, while I had to be treated like a kid by Nisa as she is currently in the Pediatric posting. haha so funny. While my patients are usually quite around their 50s-80's already. So, nisa and jue had to be makciks and pakciks for me last night ;p

I found a very nice patient yesterday that was so fond of me. An Indian lady around her 60s or so with multiple myeloma. She was really nice towards me, had great findings such as multiple tender lymph nodes swelling, multiple subcutaneous lumps around the face and left hypochondrium which was pulsating, has a pepper pot skull on radiology. I was given the permission to palpate the lumps and bumps although it was quite tender. Kesian that aunty. And paling best sebab dia puji baju and i cantik! ahahahahha tiba-tiba ;p I hope she gets well soon. Thought of doing a follow up on her today but i skipped ward work. Hope she'll be ok :)

I should probably stop now and start reading Mcleod's. Till then. Assalamualaikum :)

='|

2010-08-15T10:34:00.000-07:00

Have faith.

Have faith in me.

Have faith in the journey that we have to go through.

If it is not easy for you, then it is not any easier for me as well.

But if Allah says that it is not meant to be, then it is not meant to be even with faith as high as the tallest mountain.

Ya Allah ya Tuhanku, dekatilah segala yang telah Kau tuliskan untukku dan Kau jauhilah segala yang bukan sesungguhnya milikku. Amin.

"Wherever you go and find darkness in life, what you have to do is to find the light within you..."

Al-Fatihah

2010-08-11T21:43:00.000-07:00

Just received a very sad news regarding one of my friend's mother, one of my best friend while I was in jengka. Capiq's mother just passed away last night after breaking fast which I was told due to a road accident. Was just so shocked and overwhelmingly sad for him that I almost felt like crying. Texted him last night, he must be having a very tough time.

To you,
I am beyond believe of what had happened. Almost cried when I heard about the news. Please be strong. I know this is very difficult to overcome and whoever is in you shoes now will be crying a river as well, but I know you. I know you're strong. and since this is a very2 good month, the month of Ramadhan, insyaAllah she will be put in a good place. To you, I hope you will recover soon and that the lost will insyaAllah be replaced very soon. Have faith, dear friend.

Al-Fatihah to Allahyarhamah.

haih~ sedihnya =(

Anyway, time is not quite on my side right now since clinical years started. Getting used to it though, Alhamdulillah for that =) Am currently reading a book which I think will be one of my favourite book and it is entitled "You Can Be The Happiest Woman In The World" by Dr Aid al-Qarni, published by International Islamic Publishing House. I am only 1/4 done with it, curi-curi masa baca before nak tidur. You girls should read it as well, if you can ever find it.

"A little that makes you happy is better than a lot that makes you miserable..."

To Ma and Pa

2010-07-31T21:10:00.001-07:00

I wish my parents had better children or maybe I could wish for us to be better children to my parents. hurm...

I feel so awful. I only have Saturdays to spend time with everyone back at home which I will have to divide between family and friends. I would usually spend my Sundays with all the workloads needed to be done before Monday or so. I know and will always know that family always comes first. I know I was suppose to accompany my parents to One Utama last night as they were insisting that we, their children, accompany them. I thought maybe since I only had like a few minutes with my friends last week and it was 90% spent with my family, I thought maybe this week I could kindly ask my sister a favour of accompanying my parents. I thought she did which she obviously didn't and I should have known that from the start. I should have known my sister better, not so reliable. My brother is totally out of the picture as he hardly ever goes anywhere with the family anymore. I was hoping that my sister would understand that my parents are just two lonely people right now with me away in Sg Buloh, my sister in Bangi and my brother working late every night. Ma even told me that she and Pa would spend their night on weekdays by playing games until they suddenly just doze off in front of their laptops that usually when we were around, we would wake them up. But since we are no longer around during weekdays, they would sometime just fall asleep in the living room until it is time for work the next morning. No one to talk to when they get back from work, takda orang sambut depan pintu bila balik from work. So, it was only the weekends that my parents get to see us, spend time with us.

I feel so awful. Very, very awful that I almost feel like crying right now. Probably will in a few seconds. I thought maybe I could spend more time with the others this week and "repay all the debts" next week. I thought I could rely on my sister to just do me a favour this week but haih~. Very disappointed with you Na, really am.

Ma and Pa, I am very sorry that I wasnt around last night. Ara tau Ma merajuk dengan Ara as you always like to go places with me but I turned you down a few times yesterday after you texted me more than 5 times. I feel so awful, I really do. Promise to be around next weekend and every other weekends. I miss you ma and pa. I am sorry that we, anak-anak, have grown up too soon and apart from you two. I want to take care of you guys til my very last breath, insyaAllah.

Love you so much, Pa and Ma. Love you both forever, insyaAllah.

I need to buy time.

2010-07-21T08:42:00.000-07:00

Am never gonna let my kids be a doctor in the future...well, unless of course they are really2 passionate. But I wish none of them wants to become a doctor later....

And today I got scolded by 1 MO and 2 Consultants =)

MO: " You're just full of crap. You are a crappy doctor and will be killing patients if you're like this..."

=p

First day of 3rd Year

2010-07-05T10:15:00.000-07:00

First posting?
-Medicine. As I wished for.

Friends in the same posting?
-None, nada. Thank God for Fareha though =)

First week of posting?
- Daily rounds 8am-5pm
- Monday - Night on call - 8am to 10pm - Clerked 3 patients
- Friday - Seminar presentation on Chest Pain in the morning and Case Presentation to Dr. Wan Fariza in the evening. Gulp...
- Saturday - Acute and Emergency on call - 2pm to 10pm
- at least 10 patients/week. Did 3 already - 1 asthmatic patient, 1 trauma patient and 1 snake bite patient. Follow up on asthmatic and trauma patient
- Observed an IV insertion.

Crazy busy week for me. Need to get all 10 write ups done before weekend. 2 presentations before friday. On call on saturday on the first week ok postinggg!!

nak nangis sikit =(((((( I'll make it through. First day - CULTURE SHOCK.

Jue and zafirah observed their first baby delivery today on their O&G posting. First hand observation, with all the blood and post-delivery stitching on the, err, Vjayjay. so cool!

Can't wait for my next procedure. Before that, I need to get this week done a.s.a.p.! Datelines!!!!!!!!

Off to bed - 1.36am. 4 hours to sleep. Semangat farah, semangat!

This is where the fun begins =)

Packing - Part I

2010-07-01T10:02:00.000-07:00

Today is already Thursday, 1st July,(Friday actually since it is already 1.03am) which means that I only have Friday, Saturday and Sunday before my first posting starts at Sungai Buloh/Selayang/Teluk Intan Hospital. I've finished up my first round of parking tonight and will be having the second round tomorrow.

What will be my first posting? I would prefer Medicine first. I wish not to get Surgery or Rural as my first posting. Reason? Medicine - more general; Surgery - I have yet to remember and recall first year's Anatomy classes and practicals. Gulp.; Rural - I prefer rural to be my last posting, boleh la rilex towards the end kan.hee.

Who will be with me during rounds? I hope to get people I am familiar with so that I could go back study together with them. At least someone I am close to. Have been unfortunate for the past two years. I am always separated with the rest. hihi. I made other close friends too though, such as sweet sweet Akma =)

Where is my Pen Light again? I have my Stethoscope and Tendon Hammer with me but my Pen Light is missing. I've been looking all over for it and can't seem to find it anywhere. Mesti the last time I got back from the hospital I main campak je. haish~ I don't wanna waste money for something I already bought. My books are wickedly expansive! Someone posted on Fb saying that total estimation for this year's books are Rm900. RM900? T_T

I will be turning 23 in approximately 3 months. Alhamdulillah, closer to another year of life. Looking forward to a great 23 years old =)

Oh yes, since I had nothing better to do today, I took pictures of my sunglasses so that I could tag them accordingly(Like poeple always do for their shoes). Senang nak cari later. I have 3 more to come though! Woohoo!..Yes, I have a very bad addiction towards bags and sunglasses(well, clothes, shoes and everything else too! but crazy addiction towards those two)

Half way through. Gonna print that out, cut them and paste on respective dust bag :D

Ok, jiwa sentimental I tiba-tiba menusuk kalbu(bahahaha, don't mind my BM). I suddenly miss you, Baby Bubu. xoxo ;)

To: My Cinta Hati

2010-06-28T11:26:00.000-07:00

Yahoooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!

Baby, welcome home, welcome back!!!! (very very soon! =p)

My days wouldn't be so dull anymore with you back in my arms. weeeeeeeeeeeee!!! :D:D:D:D

Excited sampai cannot sleep! heeeeeee

p/s: and they thought this is my cinta hati. well, he is in a way, but apparently he is actually my elder brother! Gotcha! =p This is my abang laa..

Big Ben is ticking - Tik tok Tik tok!

2010-06-27T10:00:00.001-07:00

weeeeeeeeeee!! you'll be back very very soon! I can't wait! =DDDD

I love you, bubu!

;D

Sabar itu separuh dari Iman.

2010-06-26T08:32:00.000-07:00

When someone is nice to you, appreciate them. At least show them some respect. Being nice has its limit to which one can withstand.

Be considerate. When you're living in a place with so many others, you need to give and take. Don't always just TAKE, you need to also GIVE at times.

I can GIVE now, i can still GIVE it now but I am sorry if one day, if that one fine day comes and I can never GIVE you anymore. I am sorry. We're both already 23 y/o, at the very least, you need to respect my decision once in awhile. If i can tolerate you, so can you.

*farah, awak nak period dah ke? hurm~ *

Nak cutiii!!!!!!

2010-06-19T11:34:00.000-07:00

Ok, I hate this feeling. All this thinking, deciding crap needs to stop already. I wake up every single morning thinking about it and it is killing me.

I need to enjoy my holidays. This is by far the worst semester break ever. After the exam was over, I was worried about my results (I have that habit of being inpatient when it comes to my exam results). After getting the results, I was worried about getting the Viva Voce interview which I did. Knowing that I did get the interview, I was then obviously worried about the interview itself. After the interview, I was so over my head worrying about my results once again because if I did well for my interview, my results would be upgraded which my results, Alhamdulillah, were upgraded. A few days after that, our elective posting started. A month of elective posting was kinda mind blowing because we had a report, a poster and a presentation to do. Now, when elective posting has ended, I thought I could finally enjoy my remaining two weeks of semester break but boy was I wrong. The faculty, the Dean is giving me such headache on deciding whether should I or should I not accept the AMS offer.

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Tension nya! Ok, you guys are going to be reading about this until the day I finally decide whether I want it or not. Sometimes being an average student is much more fun than being like this. Seriously.

Before the 5th of July

2010-06-17T08:55:00.000-07:00

To work or to study?

To postpone Year 3 and accept the Advance Medical Science offer or to continue with Year 3?

To work from 8am-5pm plus on calls to the next morning or to study from 8am-5pm plus on calls to the next morning?

To be a clinician scientist or to just be a clinician?

To finish up Degree within 3 years or to finish up degree within 4 years?

To graduate MBBS with Adv. Med. Sc. or to graduate with only MBBS?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have less than 2 weeks to come up with a decision to Dr. Nasimul Islam. I need to choose the best topic research and look for the supervisor within less than 2 weeks. I need an answer. I need a doctor to talk me through this. I need another round of Prof. Datuk KY's briefing. haih~

I do not need any external pressure. I do not need any personal life matters coming in my way. I do not need negative persuasion.

so, HELP. I need HELP.

Done

2010-06-16T08:58:00.000-07:00

Monday night - Had a BBQ at UiTM as to celebrate the end of our Pre- Clinical years. Kesian the committee because it suddenly rained that night for awhile. So, basically our BBQ chicken, lamb etc suddenly ada extra 'gravy' pulak.hehe.

At the BBQ - Nisa, Jue and I

Wednesday - Finally done with our elective posting! :D Today was our exhibition cum presentation and Bella and I had volunteered to speak on behalf of our group. My groupmates and I didn't think that we had to decorate our booth because we thought it was suppose to be a professional exhibition? So, we did literally NOTHING to our booth besides hanging our poster. hehe. The other groups were so semangat decorating their booth, brought laptops to show videos and what not to the judges that even before the presentation, my groupmates and I went all "Ok people, confirm takkan menang ni. Kalau menang memang kita bole sama-sama ternganga. Lets just do our best though, mana la tau tiba-tiba hebat ke". ahaha. The presentation went well. Bella did a great job with the introduction. But then I thought maybe tak payah pegi la kot award giving ceremony nanti kan sebab takkan dapat Top 10 pun although Dr. Gosh and Dr. Aletza kept on saying "Great topic with very good explanation". I did go to the award giving ceremony anyway, and guess what? We actually did get Top 10! tak la hebat mana, we were the 9th best group out of 36 groups! I was so shocked that i paused for awhile before going down to receive our prize. Rezeki betul. Alhamdulillah =) Thank you to Bella, Helmi, Farah Liyana and Farahanim for all their hardwork. =)

Bella and I representing our group =)

The rest of the group members

I need to go to bed right now. Need to wake up really early tomorrow because I need to be at the faculty at 645am! Need to meet up with the Dean at Sg. Buloh Hospital regarding the Advance Medical Science thingy. Received a letter this morning saying that I am offered to do the AMS. So, toodles people!

2010-06-13T01:36:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wish it was a tumor in my brain. I wish I had what Izzie Stevens (from grey's anatomy) had so that I could have my Alex Karev. I want my Alex Karev.

p/s: I know I am a muslim and should not be praying for that. I am not. I am only praying for my Alex Karev. That's all.

I love you
I don't ever wanna live without you
You changed my life

2010-06-10T10:49:00.000-07:00

I have always wanted to study abroad. I was not able to do that after SPM as my results were devastating. I always question myself up until now, how is it that of all the years that I was in school, form 5 was the year that I suddenly became very lazy and gave up on books? Form 5 when everything was so crucial. How and why? I did pretty well before that. Well, we don't always get what we want, right? We always learn from our mistakes and I really did after getting only 5A's for SPM. 5 As. urgh.

Made a resolution that I will aim high, very high. Work harder. Be more focus. Be mature. Alhamdulillah, Allah was willing to give me a second chance. I was very much satisfied graduating with such CGPA for diploma. It was great being in diploma. It felt great.

With that CGPA, I was so determined to fulfill my dream to study abroad. My parents were all supportive with my decision but I ended up chickening out. I wanted to apply as many scholarships available but I didn't. Not even a single one. I was afraid that I would lose my 'mojo' again. I was afraid I might just turn up like how I was during form 5.

Now, I am regretting every bit of my decision. I know i can do it. I just need to leave my comfort zone. I need to step up and take it to the next level. A bit too late now though. Everything happens for a reason, right? Allah knows what is best for us. But the next time I am given an opportunity, I will, insyaAllah, fight for it.

I want to be a great doctor because of Allah. I can do this. I can take the pressure.In fact, I work best under pressure. I know I can.

2010-06-10T10:09:00.000-07:00

My friends have either graduated, just graduated or soon-to graduate their Bachelor programme whereas I have another 3 more years to go.

THREE more freaking years to go =(

Tim's Team

2010-06-09T12:29:00.000-07:00

Most of the time it is spelled as "TEAM" but sometimes it may be spelled as "TIM". So, much for "There's no 'I' in 'TEAM'....."

I never like to admit this but I am a pushover. I am easily pushed around. There, I've said it.

Darn it.

Tak suka buat kerja sebelah tangan, sebelah mata.

I am so sick of this. Sick of selfish individuals.

But I am a sissy. I do not like to scold nor let people know that I am not ok. I don't wanna hurt people but I tend to hurt myself. So, how is that fair to me?

urgh~

Jangan sampai I yang lepas tangan. Seriously.

I

2010-06-09T10:30:00.000-07:00

I have new clothes to wear which is sweet! =)

I have clothes that has never been worn that I almost forgot of its existence which is even sweeter =)

I have dresses that I feel like giving away but sangat sayang to give it away because I plan to not wear dresses anymore. Made that plan since a couple of months back. Decent clothes only. Taking baby steps to improve myself =) (hurm maybe i should just keep it and pakai kat rumah kan? aha)

Helmi and I went to see Dr. Narimah, our supervisor for our elective reasearch, this evening and she approved the report. Alhamdulillah, weeee =)

I cleaned up some of the mess in my room because I am starting to get annoyed with it. Need to start throwing crap out of my room.

I need to see a doctor for my worsening sinusitis =( Oh and yes, also need to go the clinic to get my Hepatitis B vaccine before I start my clinical years. (gulp!)

I need to see a dentist because my jaw ache is getting worse. I thought the dentist said I would only feel the pain when I get older? hurm~ Not only it affects my jaw but the pain radiates to my brain too! I get headache along with it. Ke psycho je ni? hurm~ mungkin jugak.

Bila duit JPA masuk? hehe

I need to pack all my stuff in college. It has been abandoned since PRO exam ended. haih~

I need to stop eating so much of fatty food. Need to check my cholesterol, blood glucose and blood pressure.

Last but not least, I want my Bubu =(

A.M.S.

2010-06-07T21:44:00.000-07:00

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

~ Mark Twain

"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity"

~ Albert Einstein

--------------------------------------------------

Maybe I should grab the opportunity.

I should come out from my comfort zone.
I should and I will, insyaAllah.

mereng

2010-06-07T13:26:00.001-07:00

i am done editing the report. well, almost done.

i am a girl who is very hormonal right now.

so, just to let you people know....

I HATE ITALIANESE RESTAURANT.

no, don't get me wrong. i love their food, i used to love italianese but i just hate it now, since last year that is, for a GOOD reason.

hence, i am never eating there unless my family insist on going there which is hardly ever.

i hate Italianese, ok?

I MISS

2010-05-31T20:30:00.000-07:00

Girlfriends

Perhentian Island
Second trip to the island, with fellow course-mates

bye bye

2010-05-23T19:38:00.000-07:00

malas nak pack tapi sangat tak sabar nak pergi perhentian again! :D

but again, malas nak pack. nak bertolak malam ni tapi tak pack langsung lagi. urgh~

ok, so i am gonna go pack now =)

Post Viva Voce

2010-05-22T01:11:00.000-07:00

"Susah dulu untuk senang"

Thursday: Viva Voce

I was quarantined from 8.30am-12.30pm with 8 other Viva Voce candidates. I was candidate number 5. The waiting part was as intense as the interview. Actually, it was much more intense when we were waiting as everyone was so nervous thinking "What questions will I get?". It got more intense when everyone started discussing the possible questions that might be asked. Some I remember, some I don't. Not good. The night before, Dr Nazmul said, " They'll ask you anything from everything. Make sure to know everything. Do not panic. If you don't know say you don't know. Don't try to create answers. Be confident, look confident". Dr. Effat was the one who had called us up one by one to the room and with her very soft-spoken voice she said to me "Don't panic, I know you can do it. All the best" as I was entering the room. Dr. Effat sat at one corner as she was the time keeper and four other panels sat right in front of me. I was only given a chair, no table but they had given us papers so that we could scribble on. To be honest, questions weren't difficult but the situation and the aura that came from the room and panels that sat in front of me had made it difficult for me. (Plus the fact that saya ni tak cukup ilmu, banayk sangat tak habis baca for Pro Exam hari tu. huu -_-")

Panel 1: Parasitology; Panel 2: Pharmacology; Panel 3: Pathology; Panel 4: Microbiology

My best subject? Pharmacology. Least favourite subject? Microbiology. Not that I don't like it, I actually do but I always get things mixed up with microbiology.

How well did the interview go? Not good, not good at all. I did answer the questions but the panels were putting me, putting us all under massive pressure. They would constantly ask you every time you give an answer "Are you sure? Isn't that the wrong drug? Is that what it means? Are you sure viruses cause all those things?! Oh I thought it was something else, didn't know it was that...." . They purposely had to do that to see how confident you are and how well do you handle pressure. I blew pharmacology (my best subject, remember?) by saying no to the right answer that I've given. The doctor kept asking me "Are you sure you can give ACE inhibitors for a hypertensive patient with CHD? Are you seriously sure?" - I panicked and opposed my answer by saying " Erm, no. we shouldn't give that". I had opposed my already correct answer. So, there goes my pharmacology. I blew microbiology even worse (expected tho). I went back with a very bad migraine. Need I remind you that that was my first ever time experiencing migraine. Do the math on how bad I did. Was so depress the whole night but I said to myself "Allah Maha pemberi rezeki. If He wants to give you, then He will"

Friday: Results

I woke up the next morning with a much better feeling. I wasn't depress anymore, berjaya terima kenyataan. hehe =p ( ridiculous on how things like these could get me so depress, I didn't even fail my paper. I just flunked my interview). My other coursemates were all very anxious with their results as I couldn't care less about mine anymore. Got what I got, don't think my results will be upgraded.

Then at 12.17pm, I received a text message from Dr Thuhairah saying "Congratulation. Very proud of you. I've targeted a few of you and all my hunches were right. I'm getting good at predictions :) ". I was so clueless. I didn't know what she was congratulating me for. I just thought she was congratulating me for at least getting the interview. So, I continued what I was doing at that time. At 12.31pm, I received another text message but this time it was from Dr. Nazmul saying "Congratulation, dear. You got distinction for both Parasitology and Pathology". I just couldn't believe my eyes. I was even shocked for pathology. I immediately texted my parents, replied both Dr. Tuti's and Dr. Nazmul's msgs, went to the toilet to take my Wudu' (ablution), wore my telekung and performed Sujud Syukur. Menangis2 while I was performing my Sujud Syukur as I was so overwhelmed by the results. The gift Allah had showered me with is just too great. I was granted all that despite all the sins I did.,the super duper last minute study. 12 modules in 2 weeks? memang cari pasal. SubhanAllah. I don't feel like I am great, not at all. Honest, I don't. I feel very, very, very blessed. You have no idea.

Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah.
I feel so blessed. Couldn't feel any better than this =)
Thank you everyone, from the bottom of my heart, for all the Doa-s and wishes =)

Viva Voce episode 3

2010-05-19T02:10:00.000-07:00

another gift from God. Alhamdulillah.

now that i am selected to go for the viva voce tomorrow morning, should i study tonight? what to study? what subject? ok, see neither viva is fun. gulp =S

another round of tachycardia

*stress*

Viva Voce episode 2

2010-05-18T22:07:00.000-07:00

at 10.15AM, i received a text message from one of the lecturers i'm close with regarding my result. results aren't suppose to be out until friday, except for those selected for the viva voce. the doctor told me last night that the Dean will be announcing the results at this morning's meeting and walla~, at 10.15am, i finally got my results.

Alhamdulillah, syukur yang tak terhingga =)

i was informed by the doctor as well that only 1 girl managed to get a Distinction and 4 others got an A+ which means that they are eligible for the Distinction viva voce (congrats to my darling bestie! =D )

and I am not one of those people. so, you guys can do the math =)

still waiting for the phone call though as the doctor said they might add up more for the distinction viva voce from those who scored an A + they'd review back your previous semesters' results. oh well, we will wait and see..but then again, ALHAMDULILLAH =)

Viva Voce episode 1

2010-05-18T05:37:00.001-07:00

this part, i hate. the waiting part, i never really like.

i should really just come to my senses that it'd be a 100 dreams away to be getting that phone call. i want neither phone calls. be it the borderline call or the upgrading call. both are as torturous, although the latter is much, much nicer to get. who am i to kid anyway? truth be told, i had answered the questions very badly this time. and please, cut me some slacks. i am after all human. i make mistakes and i am not always on top.

what is this post all about? i am actually talking about the viva voce. as a medical student who goes through Professional Exam at every end of the year, selected students will be called up for the viva interview session. if you fail at the very border of the passing mark, then u'd be called up for borderline viva voce. if u fail the borderline viva voce, then u'd be called up for a short intensive classes for about a month or so. then another round of Pro exam or this time it'd be called as the Remedial exam. and if u fail the remedial exam, u'll hafta repeat the whole year's syllabus which pretty much s*cks. on the other hand, if you manage to score an A+, you'll be called up for an upgrading viva voce, which means to say that if you do well during the interview, they will upgrade your results to a Distinction which is super nice. mind you that the examiners are external doctors from other universities which could just blow every neurons and vessels inside your brain. not so nice either, right?

One of the doctors texted me saying that the list of students eligible for the viva voce interview will be announced tomorrow morning and that the faculty will call respective students after lunch. me being me, i always like to push myself, expect for the unexpected kononnya. the thing is, i have done fairly bad for the exam but i am still hoping for a good result which is killing me because i am no where near getting an A.

but please bear with me, like always, if i do get an A (Alhamdulillah, segala pujian bagi Allah), please dont get all "tak habis2 cakap macam tu.jap gi jadi benda sama"..please just share the great moment with me, ok? kalau dapat la..Alhamdulillah. ok maybe i should stop panicking.......

please pray for my success as well as my batch-mates. Amin.

...

2010-05-14T10:26:00.000-07:00

missing my other half =(

the funny things during exam

2010-05-13T22:53:00.000-07:00

weeeeeee! finally! done with pre-clinical PRO exam (actually celebrated it a day earlier ;p) . Am not hoping for anything big this time. Don't think I had answered my very best this time. very funny careless mistakes done, I panicked at the second OSCE station and that was quite a bummer. haih~ But all is well. Nak regret pun macam no use jugak because everything is in the past now. It is not the end result that God wants to see, it is the effort that we put in.

tapi setan ni memang la bagus bab mengacau orang dalam exam. sampai dalam OSPE tu baca doa like more than 10 times after the "Breast cancer" station. Up until now, I still can't believe that I had missed the breast cancer gross specimen. missed as in tak nampak at all that the specimen was on the table. macam i was staring blankly without noticing that there was a huge specimen in front of me. I only saw the microscopy picture which was lying flat on the table. tapi specimen sebesar gajah bole tak sedar ada depan mata. Ya Allah. But Alhamdulillah I had understood the case scenario and the microscopy picture to actually come out with the right diagnosis. I only came to realise that there was a huge specimen on the Breast cancer station after I went to the next station. serious tekejut beruk gila. setan2. haih~

satu lagi benda nak gelak sebab instead of writing hypovolaemic shock, perempuan yang terlebih terer ni tulis HEMORRHAGIC shock. tak ke sewel? habis exam baru macam "Ya rabiiii!!! apa pulak hypothesis hemorrhagic shcok ni!! tu dengue !!!!"..huuuuu T_T rugi markah di situ. but i gave the mechanism untuk hypovolaemic shock, agak2 doctor baik tak nak bagi markah? ahahah

this always happens, bila tengah exam sibuk nak buat macam2 benda. bila dah habis exam macam blur tatau nak buat apa. last2 melepak kat rumah. tengok grey's anatomy and house series and everytime ada case or drugs mention mesti sibuk nak teka apa benda jugak! ahah best la tapi! :D tapi tipu betul la diorang ni bole cakap semua benda laju2. macam mechanism tu dekat tips of their fingers je. psycho betul

*sorry macam sedap pulak tulis in bahasa melayu pasar ni* ahahhaha

2010-05-08T10:11:00.001-07:00

Alhamdulillah, a "gift" that I've always prayed for. A gift that insyaAllah, will lead me to a better life. I am praying and hoping so hard that things will get better from now on. I wanna make sure that this "gift" will never fade away but instead, grow bigger and stronger. InsyaAllah.

-----------------------------------

On another note, it is now already Sunday morning which means that I only have a day left to study. A day left to study but a hand full of notes have yet to be read. I hope everything will be fine though. Sebab lalai and leka, sebab tu tak habis study. Setan goda sikit, lemah. salah diri sendiri, bukan salah siapa-siapa.

The only thing I can do now is tawakal because insyaAllah, although tak sempurna, I think i've worked hard for this exam.insyaAllah.

"Bismillahi tawakaltu Alallah"

Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku, Pemudahkan la segala urusanku dan rakan-rakanku yang akan menduduki peperiksaan PRO Exam minggu depan. Amin

"Rabbi yassir wala tu'assir ya Ar-Rahman Rohimin"

*will be gone til exam is over. insyaAllah, this thursday*

...

2010-05-07T09:04:00.000-07:00

Ya Allah,

tenangkan hatiku, perkuatkan diriku dan jangan di tarik rezeki dan hidayah yang telah Kau berikan.

it has been almost 2 years now, and the only thing i'm asking for is to make me strong, stop me from listening to things that would bring my spirits down and seeing things that would make me not want to do it. I want this more than a Distinction or an A+ for Pro Exam, more than anything else in this world.

If to be able to do this is by losing something/someone, than I'd lose it. Even if I have to trade this with an A+, I'd fail it for this. Anything for this.

InsyaAllah, Amin.

=)

2010-05-04T05:00:00.000-07:00

Alhamdulillah :)

Doa untuk kelapangan masa so that I'll be able to finish reading according to my very pack timetable. Alhamdulillah, memang Allah lapangkan.

Doa untuk diberi ketenangan, almaklumlah dah tinggal less than a week to pro but I have tons to read. Alhamdulillah, so far masih tenang and able to read with ease, tiba2 yang tak ingat and yang terngiang2 jadi ingat.

And because Allah does not judge you based on the outcome, He judges you by such effort you've put in. So, what is an A kalau berkat dia kat dunia je kan?

Just because of that I am happy and i can continue studying although it has been quite a day. Dengan tak sedarnya, i actually managed to finish up one whole module today itself. SubahanAllah :)

Just by praying, reading the Quran and Doa :) Tak susah sangat pun. Kenapa dulu masa sekolah2 tak boleh nak buat? haih~

ok sambung study! :D

*p/s: Just nak muhasabah diri, nothing got to do with riak or such. sorry if it sounded like it. my apology :)

menusuk kalbu

2010-04-24T08:55:00.000-07:00

i am in my utmost vulnerable state.

i am crying as if someone has died.

i need to call someone. i need to talk to someone.

cha's too far away, don't wanna distrub izzah studying.

so, i am gonna call you. i will call you now.

=(

Lecture Hall D, Sci. & Tech Tower, UiTM Shah Alam.

2010-04-22T09:43:00.000-07:00

Tak percaya hari ni last day ada dekat lecture hall D. macam sedih pun ye jugak. next semester menghadap muka-muka doctors, nurses, medical and dental students and of course, patients. wow..wow.. Time does fly really fast.

Although there will be no more lectures for Year 2, I still do go to the faculty. been having study group sessions with lala, nelly, raj and sara. I'll post pictures later. I've been making notes too! err sebenarnya dah buat short notes dah last semester but since I am required to teach them, so I buat notes baru for the same lectures to distribute to them. aha :D

Good luck everyone. Lets pass beramai-ramai and start torturing ourselves for clinical years pulak! =p

Pre-examination syndrome

2010-04-20T09:53:00.000-07:00

on scale of 1-10 (10=worst), what is your level of stress?

10. Thank you.

I hate this pre-examination stress. I hate it so much.

Towards the end of Pre-Clinical years.

2010-04-17T23:40:00.000-07:00

I somehow have this mind set that weekends are my lazy days. I am trying so hard to get my hands on my books. I wanted to start studying CVS today but incapable to do so because of that mind set. Need to break the code, need to break the damn code.

Like every other Fridays (well, not ever friday la kan), I had my progress test and Alhamdulillah, I think CNS was good, plus minus some tak puas hati answers. Gotta agree with Dr. Igor that CNS is very compact and complicated yet very interesting. Alhamdulillah, I didn't have so much trouble studying CNS. Probably because of the new(not so new but more like reused) -whiteboard-teaching studying method. Dr. Salmah and Dr. Thuhairad said that once in awhile we do need to change our studying method so that we wouldn't end up getting bored with one method only. Well, obviously besides the fact that the most obvious reason is that everything comes from Allah. That shall never and will never be ruled out.

You guys should try this out.
Thank you Pa & Ma for always providing me with what I need for my studies.
=)

*sorry bilik sangat sepah*
=p

After being inspired by me, Lala bought one for herself too! ahaha =p

My PBL groupmates and I also had some makan-makan with our second year/pre-clinical PBL lecturers after our final PBL session ended and I must say that it was good. My top two most favourite lecturers, dearest Dr.Thuhairah and Dr.Salmah =) They are just simply one of the best and nicest. By the way, mind you, I was 'chosen' by my darling groupmates without me knowing it as the pemberi ucapan. aha. Oh and yes, Group 12 sangat best =)))

L-R (1st-3rd row):
Yus, jimah, alifah, hajar, wahida, Dr.Salmah, Dr.Thuhairah, kema, me, khiddir, dauz bahar, muhammad

One more week of Pre-clinical lectures, 2 weeks of study week, 3 days of Pro-exam, a month of Elective posting, 2 weeks of end semester break and then goodbye second year, goodbye shah alam campus, welcome third year, welcome clinicall years, welcome Selayang hospital, welcome to a whole new chapter of my life =)

life, the down part of it.

2010-04-13T05:17:00.000-07:00

and it happens now when the exam is just around the corner.

God, please make me strong. At least til the end of Pro Exam. Amin.

L A I S

2010-04-13T04:08:00.000-07:00

do people always blog or write Fb status for other people to really read? most of the time, yes, but there are times where you just feel like pouring your heart out regardless of whether that person would ever read it or not pun, kan?

syida blogs about asyraf selalu and asyraf(dulu) tak pernah bukak blog syida pun. *sorry, just had to use you as an example* :)

and because it will
"ALWAYS BE YOU AND I"
*maybe*

psychiatric? probally not although Lala said I could be a good one but I can't even tolerate the word lais (read backwards) in a serious tone. I'd be so hurt.

and why do people really need to clarify when others don't listen?

why do i listen when people clarify? because i am stupid. easy, aint it?

everybody knows that nobody really knows except for you yourself, right?

so, what do you do with a rude someone?

be honestly and sincerely patient. get yourself together. be super duper extra patient.

TAKE A PILL AND CHILL, MISSY
PERIOD.(as in fullstop)

Heeeeeee :D

2010-04-07T05:44:00.000-07:00

I am suppose to finish up my DSL but since I am tired, I decided to blog first instead. heee.

Sebenarnya when I have nothing else better to do,I have this habit suka search for names to give to my children nanti.ahahahahha. I personally like names that are full of meaning sebab orang cakap nama anak tu macam Doa. Bagi nama takda maksud, Doa awal tu takda la. orang la cakap. I'd usually look up under Asmaul Husna, name of Heavens,yada3.InsyaAllah, when I have kids later (aha), I'll name them this:

Boys:

Al-Fattah: Maha Pembuka
Al-Matin: Maha Teguh
Rayyan: Pintu Syurga
Al-Qayyum: Maha Berdiri Sendiri
Al-Qawiy: Maha Kuat
Al-Musawwir: Maha Pembentuk
Al-Qahhar: Maha Menentukan
Iskandar: Nama seorang raja

Girls:

Rayhanah: Tanaman yang harum, Perempuan yang Luhur, Isteri Nabi Muhammad SAW
Inani: Hadapanku
Laiyanah: Yang Lemah Lembut
Mariah: Yang Cantik Berhias
Billah: Rezeki, Kebajikan
Hannah: Kesayangan
Damia: Kebajikan, Keberkatan
Aina': Yang Cantik Mata
Khairunnisaa': Sebaik-baik Wanita
Qurratu'Aini: Penghibur Hatiku

not PRE but PERI Menstrual Syndrome.

2010-04-02T08:59:00.000-07:00

is it that difficult to text and say "i'll be a bit late" ? it is seriously not worth wasting my time waiting for you for nothing. at least notify or something.

i am so annoyed right now.

Drug addict

2010-04-01T10:02:00.000-07:00

I am in my best-est mood to study :)

Since Professional Exam is in about a month time, so Lala and i decided that our in between classes break will be used to study. we would usually doze off or go out and eat but not anymore(chey). We're utilizing every minute that we have. hehe

I am pretty much under a lot of pressure. i feel like sedating myself. need an antidepressant. i need some Barbiturates. (read: studying pharmacology :P)

Alright, need to finish up reading Morphine and I am off to bed. Good night, darlings =)

And YOU, yes you sayang, you are simply my own version of drug. So, addictive. nyumnyum =)

Lala.

2010-03-29T08:10:00.000-07:00

lala, jue and i have FINALLY decided that we're gonna start studying for PRO exam starting today. i was all pumped up this afternoon, was still pumped up when it was sometime before 5pm. Unfortunately, after 5pm .......

everything went down the drain. why? because you had to be so super duper unbelievably annoying. like mind blowing annoying. sheeesshhh! not to forget that i am PMS-ing. With PMS, everything gets to a whole new level.

sesi meluahkan perasaan to Lala tadi and found out that she's having the same problem. so double the emo and that is why regradless of what people say about lala, she is still the greatest.

so, Lala is my hero today.

and i am now craving for IKEA's meatballs. darn it~

so out of random, they asked me....

2010-03-24T04:54:00.000-07:00

X: "kalau orang tanya you, your 3 most favourite things, what would those 3 things be?"

and I answered:

(1) lots and lots of BAGS
(2) lots and lots of DIAMONDS
(3) lots and lots of CLOTHES

how more predicable and typical can I be?

Gotta let everyone know that I love Dr. Thuhairah. I really look up to her. I wanna be just like Dr. Tuti =)

to ex-DIS UiTM Jengka, add Encik Muzamil on Fb! was pretty shocked looking at my friend request yesterday, ada encik Muzamil! :D the cutest part was, he remembered the kembar nurul thing! ya Allah, that was like 4 years back punya joke! =p

Time

2010-03-23T09:58:00.001-07:00

when stress brings the best out of me.

Countdown: 47 days to Pre-Clinical Professional Exam.

*PANIC MODE*

To be...

2010-03-18T08:02:00.000-07:00

I finally got my mood to blog again. I was somewhat motivated today that I truly want to be a good doctor, insyaAllah. I may not be the next Dr. Nora Hart (spelling?) but I hope to be good in what I do because I know I am capable of holding on to that stress and because I love what I'm doing (despite all the whining that is. you really gotta understand the stress part, alright? hee)

Why the motivation? I actually just got back from my visit to Selayang Hospital. Today has got to be one of the best hospital visits so far as Dr. Kamal had actually made a good session out of it. At least that is what I think. We were actually assigned under Dr Nur Syam but doctors will always be doctors, they are never that free, especially Surgeons. Always running around although timetables were already given (read: emergency cases). Wanted to join Dr. Mini Sood's group but she already had a hand full of students with her. So, she assigned us to join Dr. Kamal's group instead. Gotta say that Dr. Kamal's an educated young chap, probably around his 30's or so.

The usual hospital-visit routine. Woke up at 530am so that i could catch the 630am bus. We started off by going to the auditorium to watch the pre-recorded video regarding systemic physical examination. Today's was regarding Gastrointestinal Tract (GIT). Went to look for our respective doctors after watching the video, found Dr.Kamal instead. Clerked patients at ward 5D cum Cardiovascular ward. So, my patient today is suffering from an early stage of myocardial infarction a.k.a. heart attack. Thank God for a cooperative, friendly patient (Thank you, sir. Hope you do get well really soon =) ). After clerking, I presented my case to Dr. Kamal and to the rest of the group. Then, it was bedside teaching session. Dr.Kamal definitely gave us a whole lot of input, Alhamdulillah. =) baru dapat tahu that patients with liver cancer usually do not have axillary(armpit) hairs, interesting. Had lunch, went to the library to kononnya "study" but end up dozing with kema and bie.hehe.....

At 1pm, we were brought to our newly build faculty in Selayang, just next to the hospital. About 3 minutes car ride and I must say that I was REALLY impressed. It is really nice! Well equipped with pretty much the technology that we needed. It might not be as nice as UTP or any other universities, I really don't know because I have never been to any except for UiTM and some of its branches but this I must say, I am really proud to be a student in this faculty. Hence, the motivation. UiTM menatang kitorang macam minyak yang penuh, apa-apa nak, insyaAllah so far dapat. So, why not repay them as much, kan? This is kinda funny because I always whine saying that I don't want to go to clinical years because of so many reasons, but now macam sangat tak sabar! (i might just whine again once I am really there) As the guard said to us just now, " Selamat Datang ke kampus Selayang July ni ye". =) huhuhuhuh....oh by the way, we were at the faculty to see Dr. Khadim's demonstration on Per-rectal examination. And oh yes, we did it alright......on a dummy.aha :D

Here are some of the pictures which i have curi-ed from others as my phone battery was flat when i was at the hospital T_T ..proper photos later.

Faculty of Medicine, Selayang Campus
p/s: not me ;p

Library

Library 2

Library 3

Library 4

Dr. Khadim Jawad with Luqman on per-rectal examination

dummy's a**! =p

girls

guys

the only picture that I was in =p
Per-rectal examination on dummy :D

Pregnant dummy
with baby dummy inside mommy dummy's belly

Faculty of Medicine, UiTM Shah Alam

another 3 years guys =)
insyaAllah.

Current favourite =)

2010-02-20T23:11:00.000-08:00

Love by Matt White

i really like this one. great cover =)
oh and look at their apartment's view, awsome posum i tell you.

when i finally decided to get my skills on ....

2010-02-17T19:22:00.000-08:00

my Barbecue marinated lamb shoulder with cheese mashed potato, coleslaw and some vege. Alhamdulillah, it turned out really well. first timer's luck maybe? =) it isnt so difficult to do anyway. pretty simple......oh btw, the last picture is actually my mom's sheperd's pie which she contributed during the dinner =) ..

but i didn't just start off that well (well as of a first timer). i actually got the first one TOTALLY burnt!! aha i actually didn't realise that it was burnt as i was busy setting up the table =p ..anyway, here are some behind the scene pictures...

to: bonnie and clyde

2010-02-11T04:10:00.000-08:00

Questions:

1. Define:

social
stupid
pious
friends
boy, man, immature and mature

2. Briefly explain:

the differences between a person with a healthy social life and a social/party animal
the result of succumbing to a stupid, moron, ego bomb jerk
regarding being truly pious and being pious at only certain things and claims that "i am pious" . list its outcome
the consequences of having a friend that does not know how to appreciate
the differences between a boy/man with qualities and a slutty,bitchy, gossipy boy/man

Answers:

....i have the answers but i don't feel like answering it here. life is, well, funny =)

my lips are sealed.hik =)

2010-02-07T07:51:00.000-08:00

i am friendless. no wait, i am not friendless. i have less friends. yes, quite a number has gone abroad leaving us, the minorities, in malaysia. i am not looking forward to make new friends (but i welcome if there is any. i too don't wanna be anti-social =) ) because of a handful of reasons. i am starting to not trust people. i don't like to be judgemental, hence, i don't like to listen only to one part of the story. i rather not know anything and that is why people tend to assume that as if i don't care about anything, anyone. i do, only if you let me know. i usually don't like to ask "what happened?" i don't like to be busybody.

so, how do we,the minorities, gather everyone again? what shall i say?

maybe,

"Guys, I'm getting engaged/married"

what do you think? =)

ouch

2010-02-04T06:49:00.000-08:00

geramnyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

traumatised

2010-02-04T06:42:00.001-08:00

and who the hell said i cannot live without a guy?

I CAN.

1987

2010-01-31T05:45:00.000-08:00

Time flies so fast that you tend to not appreciate much on what had happened, is happening and what is about to happen. Things are harder to learn because as you are about to grasp one, another one comes running to you. As i am aging, though i am only gonna turn into 23 this October, i think I've pretty much learn quite a bit. And because I don't wanna be an old granny yet (heee ;p), I think I'm gonna stop being philosophical right this instance. ngee ;p

well, my friends are all (almost) leaving for Aussie this month. Feez n Zwan on the 7th, Aishah on the 13th, Asy on the 19th, oh and yes, Rf later this June/July. i hope everyone doesn't change once they're back. i miss elisha, how? hurm~

some of my coursemates are kononnya boy hunks cum macho man BUT!.... with slutty gossip-y bitchy attitude. spoil kan? not that i care so much because they bring nothing to my life but when it affects me, i jadi agak kisah. i don't wanna elaborate much on these childish boys although ada yang dah lanjut umur dari I pun (harap2 boleh sedar diri untuk lebih matang dari adik-adik yang baru masuk alam 20-an ni) but all I can say is that....

"Mr-s, if you guys think that I am a bad girl, then maybe i should bring those full length mirror to show you people..."

"CELAKA FARAH" on the car window? that is soooooooooooooooooo low. seriously. tu perempuan je gaduh tulis2 kat kertas, kat meja. oh tapi mungkin lelaki gaduh tulis kat cermin kereta? Up sikit dari kertas dengan meja. oh mungkinnnnnnnnnn, baruuuuuuuuuuuuuu faham =)

it is all because of you.

2010-01-15T09:24:00.000-08:00

Sway by Bic Runga

you ...

2010-01-14T21:37:00.000-08:00

" The book of love is long and boring. It's full of charts, facts and figures.....but i love it when you read to me and you, you can read me anything.."

"The book of love has music in it. In fact that's where music comes from.....but i love it when you sing to me and you, you can sing me anything.."

"The book of love is long and boring and written very long ago. It's full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes and things we're all too young to know......but i love it when you give me things and you, you are ought to give me wedding rings.."

The Book of Love by Peter Gabriele.
=) xoxo (=

e to the m to the o.

2010-01-07T03:25:00.000-08:00

just be a little bit more patient farah.time will heal everything.it will, insyaAllah. have faith.

just when i was about to walk away....

2010-01-06T08:05:00.001-08:00

why are you torturing me like this? =(

the reason

2010-01-05T22:08:00.000-08:00

reasons for being happy:

(1) results. Alhamdulillah =)

(2) lovely parents for always listening =)

(3) supportive friends =)

(4) last but not least, YOU. for always missing me ;)

affected by you no more

2010-01-02T20:29:00.000-08:00

and after last night, i am sure as hell have made my decision.

;)

Collide by Howie Day

2009-12-31T18:49:00.000-08:00

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah

I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide

Don't stop here
I lost my place
I'm close behind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide

I'm all tangled up in you......

current playlist...

2009-12-31T18:41:00.000-08:00

Sexy B*tch by David Guetta & Akon

*fav part of the song = "Daymn girl!" ...ahah don't mind me ;p

Tick-Tock by Keisha

2010

2009-12-31T17:35:00.000-08:00

spot me ;p
remember the theme? where your favourite year.
me = hippies, 1960s

leaving a disastrous 2009 by being hippies

2009-12-31T01:46:00.001-08:00

is bringing 1960s to 2010.
i am gonna be dressing up in the hippies style.
=)

Don't look back in anger

2009-12-12T18:30:00.001-08:00

i've lost touch in blogging due to some issues that people tend to circulate around me. nevertheless, i could only please a few heart and subside the rest.

i am still gonna blog though despite the fact that you, you and you hate me, because at the end of the day, i am not gonna live for you. i am living for the better side of it. so, it's ok ;)

i think i have an anger management problem. i used to be really calm and cool, i could keep myself contented until i am hyperconcentrated. i find it difficult nowadays, i think it started some time after starting Degree. is it because of the overloaded stress? i get over my head for super silly things. i become judgemental and i would splurt out things without even thinking of its consequences. i would act without even thinking thoroughly, i could hate you like you're the worst person ever lived on this planet....my dad would say that the more you age, the more sensitive you get. i've not found any medical relevance to it (it is definitely neurohormonal) but experience wise, yes it is definitely proven to be true. but i'm only 22? hurm~

i need to learn to control it. honestly, i would hate people for like an hour, after that i'd feel so bad for saying bad things about you because it is of something that it is not worth arguing for. hence, the need to be more patient. i am still the person that i was though. i still keep every little anger within me until i could deteriorate every little neurons in my brain to get it unfunctional. i am delirious, i am mental. the doctors would tell us to ease of our stress because if not, we would end up in the psychiatric ward like those other doctors who hadn't had much control of their anger and stress level. if u were to ask me how many times have i cried this month, i would say THOUSANDS of times. be it because of studies (which you might have already know from the previous posts) or because of the very little thing that people annoy me of. seriously, i tell you, it is because of the overloaded stress. i think i've been racing tears with my roommate, jue. we would take turns to cry.one minute i'd be crying, the minute after she'd be joining me.aha

and for that, i would like to sincerely appologize to whoever that may have been affected by me. i am human, i make mistakes that i never wanted to do. on another note, jangan la buat i marah jugak. it's not fair la like that kan? ;p

1 more day to EXAMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-12-04T08:52:00.000-08:00

i am exhausted.if i had the choice of dropping out of medicine, i seriously would (now, as i am under massive pressure. do note that i actually love medicine despite the killer stress). then again, i wouldn't know what else i'd wanna do. i hate examssss! i hate the fact that i always wanna be in the top 5 but is superrrr lazy to work on it. how do i maintain that now? i cannottttttttttttttttttttt!!! panic panic panic panic panic!

*psycho psycho*
it is all in that tiny brain of yours, farah.
when you say no, your body will automatically shut down on you.
so, no.
you can do this girl!
at least you could still try for a B? (urgh. B is for buruknye result.sorry ni ayat psycho diri, takde niat nak mengutuk or anything.honest)
and why worry about getting good grades when all you get when you graduate is a certificate saying "PASS MBBS220". bukannya awak tu ada CGPA pun. (although good grades could get me to Distinction viva.hurm~ ok berangan nak distinction pulak.stop berangan.)

ok Lala is seriously gonna kill me if she knows i wrote this down as she would start nagging saying "kau cakap banyak, fail la teruk la. jap gi result ok"...mmg penipu, probably she was talking about herself yang duk dapat straight As.pfftttt~ ahahah

need to doze off. nak bangun at 430am to continue.it is now 1.03am.so, toodles!

what did mom say about playing with fire?

2009-11-29T04:06:00.000-08:00

and the outcome is mind blowing. i am about to burst out laughing.

oh, wait. i actually am!

AHHAHAHAHA!

so, what did mom say about playing with fire?

mom said DO NOT play with fire.

it'll burn your ASS so badly, baby girl ;)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

is it possible to finish up 3 modules in 7 days? no kan? and i am a slowpoke when it comes to reading. so lambat like kura2.

can't wait for tomorrow night! dinner at Dome with pretty girls although i could only join them for a short while as i have to rush back home to be a nerdy bookworm.

oh and i met Caryn last friday. it was just so random that we were both speechless. "hye caryn! miss u...errrr..." .hehe..anyway, she said that Ben and Sharen will be back from Aussie sometime next week. she'll be planning a meet up session once they're back. my three lepak partners in class during high school. i miss high school.i miss mixing with people from different races. hee..how is it easier to be in a multi-racial school but it is so annoyingly tiring to be in a univeristy full of malays? because malays are very narrow minded and uncivilized.

the one with i am confused with life.

2009-11-29T01:10:00.000-08:00

FYI, this is that time of the month, the you-touch-me-you-die part of the month.

i know i am not thinking straight and thoroughly but i can feel the burning flame in my chest. if only i could spit out flame through my mouth like those dragons people would always imagine of, i'd spit it out to you.

if you were in front of me, i'd seriously break you into half. you know like those ranting-ranting pokok people like to snap? yea, like that.

and lucky you, Prof Vellayan's notes just made me laugh. your ass is saved by him, for now.

what's with you? what's next? what the hell?

*taken from Mal's Fb post*

praying and hoping.

2009-11-26T04:16:00.000-08:00

i have a really3 bad feeling..

i have a really awful feeling that this End Semester 3 Exam will turn out so badly.

this stress is getting all over my head.

why? because i am super dead lazy; i am only at the second module when there are actually 6 of 'em this semester. and another 10 days to go? Sh*t.

i should just be really ready for the bad outcome right?

failing? me, fail? fail? fail? fail? fail?

=((((((

need a new hobby.

2009-11-19T06:04:00.000-08:00

need to STOP eating CRAP!!!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

bitterheart is getting just a little fragile.

2009-11-14T01:43:00.000-08:00

i've been longing to write a proper post since forever but the thought of blogging through my phone puts evertyhing off because everything would appear in capital letters and that makes me, err, uncomfortable? beh~ wth?..teehee ;p

anyways, classes finished yesterday marking the end of our third semester. yesterday's test was, Alhamdulillah, ok. i'm aiming for a good one this time ;) as everyone else in UiTM are enjoying or about to enjoy themselves, my coursemates and i on the other hand will be in the stress-tahap-nak-cry-guling2 zone starting this monday(today and tomorrow will be our off day). three weeks of study week followed by three days of exam. so, good luck everyone =)

i dislike the thought of having to cramp my head by studying but i find myself entirely bored without books.ok la, tipu jugak la.im bored because my parents are in Chiang Mai, Thailand honeymoon-ing..my boyfie is now out of reach. not to worry about that as i just got back from seeing him and because he is currenty busy. thought of seeing my friends but malas nak amik phone and message. pfft~ ok fine, im bored tapi malas.hurm~

can anyone just get all the scissors in the world away from me? i have this itch everytime looking at a scissors, always wanting to get my hair cut. did that a couple of days ago already btw. eeeeee stressnya! i wanna keep my hair long again. as long as it used to be when i was in high school but i keep on getting it cut. damn it la. i nak cantik2 for suami ni.ngee sengal ;p

should i be nice and text her? should i text you to end this? you started it but sometimes talking about it make things better. so, should i? how did World War II ended? hurm~

i see my future in an evening dress

all wrapped in tapestry and fur i guess

remember the way you knew me best

if i could change your mind, how would you want me?

2009-11-10T10:10:00.000-08:00

WHY CANT I BE AS AWAKE AS WHEN I AM ON9ING WHEN I AM STUDYING? AYOYO...I THINK IVE DEVELOPED SKILLS ON WATCHING THRILLER AND HORROR MOVIES, THAT IS AFTER A LOT OF PRACTICE.EHE..AND I AM A HAPPY GIRLFRIEND JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE A HANDSOME BF..EHEHE..LOVE YOU MUNCHKIN!!! =D OK I AM NOW HUNGRY, SO GNITE!!

my limit, you've crossed.

2009-11-08T09:21:00.000-08:00

BIATCH.

enough said.

"Staring right at her prey. She wolf....."

2009-11-08T07:44:00.000-08:00

went out for a date with my two besties, aisyi and wawa at OU this evening. yes, aisyi just got back from london and will be around til end of the month. weee!!~ if only cha was around. i miss my cha! =( ..ooohh ooohh! aisyi got me a bag from Cath Kidston as my birthday gift and i must say that she knows me really well as she has gotten me a polka bag (my craze for polkas. idiopathic.hehe). i love you, woman! i actually received quite a few gifts this year which are super duper nice =)

oh yes, so it won't be Istanbul, Turkey this December. it'd be Seoul, Korea instead! weeeeehooo!! =DDD ..apparently ticket to Istanbul is not available on the dates that we chose, so mom decided Korea instead, InsyaAllah =) i've never been to japan, korea or any of that side before, so i'm psyched about this one although Istanbul would be really2 nice. prolly next year. can't wait for december to come!! =DDDD

Haagen Dazs' ice cream has been one of my favourite since little and i just fulfiled my tummy's long desire for Dazs' ice cream tadi . tapi yang tak bestnya harga dia mcm boleh tahan jugak for an ice cream. RM 48 for 3 scoops of ice cream. but what the heck, my tummy needs to get what it needs. hikhik ;p

good night beautiful people =)

Meet Me Halfway by Black Eyed Peas =)

2009-10-31T04:23:00.000-07:00

------------------------------------------------------------------

I can't go any further than this
I want you so badly, it's my biggest wish

I spent my time just thinkin thinkin thinkin bout you
every single day yes, i'm really missin' missin' you
and all those things we use to use to use to do
hey girl, wuz up, it use to be just me and you
i spent my time just thinkin thinkin thinkin bout you
every single day, yes i'm really missin missin you
and all those things we use to use to use to do
hey girl wuz up, wuz up, wuz up, wuz up

meet me halfway, right at the boarderline
that's where i'm gonna wait, for you
i'll be lookin out, night n'day
took my heart to the limit, and this is where i'll stay
I can't go any further than this
I want you so bad it's my only wish

girl,i travel round the world and even sail the seven seas
across the universe i go to other galexies
just tell me where you want, just tell me where you wanna to meet
i navigate myself myself to take me where you be
cause girl i want, i, i, i want you right now
i travel uptown (town) i travel downtown
i wanna to have you around (round) like every single day
i love you alway..way

can you meet me half way (I'll meet you halfway)
right at the boarderline
that's where i'm gonna wait, for you
i'll be lookin out, night n'day
took my heart to the limit, and this is where i'll stay
i can't go any further than this
i want you so bad it's my only wish
i can't go any further than this
i want you so bad it's my only wish

let's walk the bridge, to the other side
just you and I (just you and I)
i will fly, i'll fly the skies, for you and I (for you and I)
i will try, until i die, for you and i, for you and i, for for you and i,
for for you and i, for for you and i, for you and i

can you meet me half way (yup yup)
can you meet me half way (yup yup)
can you meet me half way (yup yup)
can you meet me half way (yup yup)
meet me half way, right at the boarderline
that's where i'm gonna wait, for you
i'll be lookin out, night n'day
took my heart to the limit, and this is where i'll stay
i can't go any further than this
i want you so bad it's my only wish
i can't go any further than this
I want you so bad it's my only wish

Pixies

2009-10-31T04:00:00.000-07:00

Doctors to be, InsyaAllah =)
PBL Group 12
L-R - Akma, me, Wahida, Jimah, Yus

Don't have any better picture of Aeda.
Super adorable i tell you!!

vain photos of me during my birthday dinner =)

last monday for my birthday prank by the dip girls aka budak2 "busyuk" (BAHAHA)
a combination of flour and water + colouring that is used to make sirap bandung + egg
look at my baby (2nd pict) which i usually hang together with my martic card pun kena. huuu =(((
oh and yes, the incident took place at Block 4A kolej melati, UiTM Shah Alam. current location of picture - level 4A-00 toilet.aha nasib baik la bilik level bawah skali =p

karaoke with cawa and nissy last night at Ole2 =D
nissy hogger mic tu (look at her face punnya semangat nak sing =p)

and lastly,

recognize this?
well, that bald-headed guy on the bilboard is actually my elder brother, mat onde! =p
note the hairy arms and legs. yes, that is not my brother's body.only the face belongs to my brother.ahhahaha

Will you meet me halfway?

2009-10-31T03:09:00.000-07:00

firstly, i would like to apologize for the "Cruella De Vil wears Prada" post for all the swearing and what not. just had to let things out.

i've been without the internet connection for a whole week as i had left my laptop at home. need the time to focus on studies due to the Progress Test on friday, which was yesterday. well, ok i did surf the internet last thursday night through my phone for like an hour just to check my Fb and read a few blogs as i was so burdened by the pathology notes. got even more burdened after surfing it. hish~

so anyway, i think i did ok for H&L test. another B in my collection as i got B for my CVS test. i thought i did ok for that. guess not. pffttt~ hope to be getting a distinction for H&L. insyaAllah.

yesterday was crazy. stucked in the massive jam in Shah Alam for about 2 hours just to send jue to the bus station. crazy i tell you. then cawa, nissy and i went to Ole2 to have dinner and karaoke. besttttttttt!!! although guys at Ole2 were very freaky. they were literally staring at us the whole time! takut ok. gila macam kampung gila. urgh.

back in subang already. home sweet home. might be going to Turkey end of this year, around middle december. mom wants to go check the flight tickets whether are they still available or not. i can't wait! =D most probably abang wouldn't be following as he just got back from London. need to go scout for some really nice winter coats as it'll be winter during december in Turkey. need a white trench coat. im psyched! =D

need a nap. so, tata beautiful people =)

i want you so badly, it's my biggest wish =)